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<DIV>About that chocolate fountain/ice cream maker . . . we must talk.</DIV>
<DIV>Marina</DIV>
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<DIV style="font-color: black"><B>From:</B> <A title=redshasta@gmail.com
href="mailto:redshasta@gmail.com">Julie MacTíre</A> </DIV>
<DIV><B>Sent:</B> Sunday, July 24, 2011 4:33 PM</DIV>
<DIV><B>To:</B> <A title=hartwood@tirrigh.org
href="mailto:hartwood@tirrigh.org">hartwood@tirrigh.org</A> </DIV>
<DIV><B>Subject:</B> [Hartwood] The Real Hartwood Meeting
Minutes™</DIV></DIV></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV></DIV>
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<P class=MsoNormal>Hartwood Meeting, July 24, 2011<FONT class=Apple-style-span
size=6>*</FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:25 AM<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>Introductions:<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>“Hello
everyone, I’m going to tell you who I am, even though you all know who I
am.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I could be hiding something,
though, so I should just remind you who I am…”</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:27 CLAP DAMN YOU ALL, CLAP</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:28<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>First
threats of violence “I should beat you!”<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>(Unsure as to provocation.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>Probably a pun.)</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:28<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Zoran
demands officer’s reports… “Uh, you already have them.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Right there.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>In front of you.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Read them all right now!”<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Zoran insists that people actually give
reports.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Muttering ensues.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN></P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:29<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Halima
informs us that while we have money in the bank account, we cannot all go to
Vegas.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Muttering ensues.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:30<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Cecile is
planning many plans.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Website
changes, workshops over Skype… use of Google docs.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Consensus is that she is plotting to
take Hartwood over using A&S.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>She announces a subversive plot to ally with the Barony of Seagirt,
wasting the enmity that has been carefully built up over the years.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:32<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Marina
discusses heraldry.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Will not
entertain suggestions of Tierce silhouette for Hartwood badge.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Ignores pouting.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:34<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Elizabeth
gives Zoran paperwork she claims is her report.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Zoran reads.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>It’s really a ransom demand for
chocolate chip cookies in exchange for the top secret Shire password. <SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Zoran pretends it’s a report.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:36<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Zoran
admits communicating with the world beyond the Upper Island.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Suspicion grows that he is trying to
introduce new and strange ideas from the Principality Seneschal.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:37<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Zoran
threatens us all with the Hartwood financial report.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Says that if we don’t behave, he’ll
force us all to read and report on it. </P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:38<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>William
complains that the Charter is not written in pig latin.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN></P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:39<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Scathach
demands that William reconfirm his loyalty to Tierce.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>William reaffirms his loyalty.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:40<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Halima
starts reading the charter. </P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:42<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Scathach
receives copy of charter.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>It looks
official.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Times New Roman font and
everything.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:46<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Halima
mentions that the Charter does not allow officers to use their position as
officer to win non-related arguments, so “Well, <I
style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">I’m</I> the Chatelaine for Hartwood, so you
can too wear Elizabethan garb with a Norse persona!” is out.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Several people look disappointed.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:47<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>William
calls attention to some glaring and shameful grammatical errors.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>A violent argument erupts over colons
versus semicolons.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Friendships are
sundered, the integrity of the Shire is threatened and Zoran has to threaten the
entire group with remedial financial policy study to get the meeting settled
down.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:51<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Zoran
recognizes that we can’t toss someone out on their ass if they disappear while
in a Hartwood officer’s position.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>Charter will be rewritten to read “After three (3) consecutive absences,
the Seneschal will send a note home to the officer’s parents.”</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:55<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Motion
made to rewrite the Charter in Pirate.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>Carried, provided that a letter of marque can be produced and the
language used is pre-1650 Pirate.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:56<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>The Shire
Financial policy is read.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Not only
can we not use the funds to go to Vegas, we can’t even use them to throw a keg
party.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Muttering ensues.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:58<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>The
Financial Committee is also not allowed to use Shire funds to take vacations,
gamble or throw mundane parties.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>Several people visibly rethink volunteering.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>10:59<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>The most
recent copy of the Financial Policy tried to make a break for it, but was
recaptured and forced to return to Halima.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:00<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Halima
announces that money will not be given out for vague purposes.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>“Because I need it for SCA stuff” is not
an acceptable application for Shire funds.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:01<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Apparently
we have to follow Kingdom and mundane law.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>The crumbling of castles in the air is almost audible.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:03<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>Reimbursements will not be made for receipts dated in the ‘90s.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:04<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>“I forgot”
is not an excuse for <I style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">not</I> depositing
cheques within the lifespan of the average guppy.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:08<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Zoran asks
for a show of hands.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Discussion
arises about which hand should be raised.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>Right vs. left is debated.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:09<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Armada…
Kjarten announces that this event will probably bring $800 with $200 of
expenses.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Since none of this will
be going to provide the populace with showgirls, minimal interest is shown and
the motion to provide expenses passes.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:10<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN><S>Raven’s
War</S> Straight ‘N Arrow budget is discussed.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>There is no marshmallow expenditure for
this year; people are going to have to bring their own.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Conflict arises over the “William Tell”
competition, with some people arguing for the period nature of the event; others
arguing modern child welfare laws.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:13 $5 approved for a <S>Starbucks latte</S> Frappe for the
autocrat of <S>Raven’s War</S> Straight ‘N Arrow.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:14 Zoran demands Seneschal secret diaries that reveal the
dark life of the SCA ruling elite.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:17 Aleyn brings in Tim Horton’s coffee.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Predatory looks are directed towards the
cup holder.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Aleyn takes a seat near
the door in case he has to escape to protect his beverage.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:19<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Render
unto my Seneschals those reports that are my Seneschals’</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:20<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Marina
suggests that we all work together to produce a single Hartwood event.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Shocked silence. </P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:22<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>The
Hartwood Birthday Bash VS Port Alberni Fall Fair VS Canada Day.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Who will win in a knock-down-drag-out
fight?<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Opinion is divided.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:29<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>William
proposes an unholy alliance between Seagirt and Hartwood to produce an event of
unimaginable, awesome power.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:31<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Elizabeth
wants to take Coronet by storm.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>Suggests that we all camp together without stabbing each other.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Opinion is divided.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:33 <SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Zoran asks
for any other business and date for next meeting. <SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>October 2<SUP>nd</SUP> is decided on as
not conflicting with events/Thanksgiving/ballet recitals</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:34<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Zoran asks
if anyone wants to be Chatelaine.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>No answer.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:34<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Zoran says
that Marina is running for Seneschal.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:34<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Zoran asks
if anyone ELSE wants to be Seneschal.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>Discriminatorily ignores Tierce’s bid for the position.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:35<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Marina
tells the tale of her history in the SCA.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>Aleyn is blamed.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:39<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Discussion
on the usefulness of slave labour in SCA positions.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:41<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>A possible
<S>victim</S> volunteer has emerged for the Chatelaine position.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>The predatory gazes on Aleyn’s coffee
switch direction.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:42<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>She turns
out to be a former Lionsgate and Kingdom Chatelaine. She also has a Shetland
Sheepdog. She does agility!<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Her
ascension to the position is assured.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:44 <SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Marina is
Seneschal.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Yay!</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:45<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>A speech
is given to Edward of York, honouring his intestinal fortitude.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN></P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:50<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>Adjournment.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal>11:59<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Dori’s
application for Shire Herald is remembered.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>People vote her in without bothering to
read her application.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Halima
insists on reading it.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>People vote
Dori into the position of Herald all legal-like. </P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT class=Apple-style-span size=6>*</FONT><FONT
class=Apple-style-span size=1>This document does not represent the real Hartwood
minutes. Seriously, if anyone complains that this could be mistaken for
the real Hartwood minutes, for the sake of the Society, take them to a
psychiatrist. This document in no way delineates SCA policy because if it
did, I would have added something about Tierce ruling everything and the Shire
of Hartwood funds being used to purchase a giant chocolate fountain/ice cream
maker combination for events.</FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal> </P>
<P>
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