<p class="MsoNormal">Hartwood Meeting, July 24, 2011<font class="Apple-style-span" size="6">*</font></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">10:25 AM<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Introductions:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>“Hello everyone,
I’m going to tell you who I am, even though you all know who I am.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I could be hiding something, though, so I
should just remind you who I am…”</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">10:27 CLAP DAMN YOU ALL, CLAP</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">10:28<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>First threats
of violence “I should beat you!”<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>(Unsure
as to provocation.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Probably a pun.)</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">10:28<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Zoran demands officer’s
reports… “Uh, you already have them.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Right there.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>In front of you.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Read them all right now!”<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Zoran insists that people actually give
reports.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Muttering ensues.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">10:29<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Halima informs
us that while we have money in the bank account, we cannot all go to
Vegas.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Muttering ensues.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">10:30<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Cecile is
planning many plans.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Website changes,
workshops over Skype… use of Google docs.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Consensus is that she is plotting to take Hartwood over using
A&S.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She announces a subversive plot
to ally with the Barony of Seagirt, wasting the enmity that has been carefully
built up over the years.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">10:32<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Marina
discusses heraldry.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Will not entertain
suggestions of Tierce silhouette for Hartwood badge.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Ignores pouting.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">10:34<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Elizabeth gives
Zoran paperwork she claims is her report.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Zoran reads.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It’s really a ransom
demand for chocolate chip cookies in exchange for the top secret Shire
password. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Zoran pretends it’s a report.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">10:36<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Zoran admits
communicating with the world beyond the Upper Island.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Suspicion grows that he is trying to
introduce new and strange ideas from the Principality Seneschal.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">10:37<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Zoran threatens
us all with the Hartwood financial report.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Says that if we don’t behave, he’ll force us all to read and report on
it. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">10:38<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>William
complains that the Charter is not written in pig latin.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">10:39<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Scathach
demands that William reconfirm his loyalty to Tierce.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>William reaffirms his loyalty.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">10:40<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Halima starts
reading the charter. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">10:42<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Scathach
receives copy of charter.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It looks
official.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Times New Roman font and
everything.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">10:46<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Halima mentions
that the Charter does not allow officers to use their position as officer to
win non-related arguments, so “Well, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">I’m</i>
the Chatelaine for Hartwood, so you can too wear Elizabethan garb with a Norse
persona!” is out.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Several people look
disappointed.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">10:47<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>William calls
attention to some glaring and shameful grammatical errors.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>A violent argument erupts over colons versus
semicolons.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Friendships are sundered,
the integrity of the Shire is threatened and Zoran has to threaten the entire
group with remedial financial policy study to get the meeting settled down.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">10:51<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Zoran recognizes
that we can’t toss someone out on their ass if they disappear while in a
Hartwood officer’s position.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Charter
will be rewritten to read “After three (3) consecutive absences, the Seneschal
will send a note home to the officer’s parents.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">10:55<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Motion made to
rewrite the Charter in Pirate.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Carried, provided that a letter of marque can be produced and the language used is pre-1650 Pirate.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">10:56<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The Shire
Financial policy is read.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Not only can
we not use the funds to go to Vegas, we can’t even use them to throw a keg
party.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Muttering ensues.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">10:58<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The Financial
Committee is also not allowed to use Shire funds to take vacations, gamble or
throw mundane parties.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Several people
visibly rethink volunteering.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">10:59<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The most recent
copy of the Financial Policy tried to make a break for it, but was recaptured
and forced to return to Halima.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:00<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Halima
announces that money will not be given out for vague purposes.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>“Because I need it for SCA stuff” is not an
acceptable application for Shire funds.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:01<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Apparently we
have to follow Kingdom and mundane law.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>The crumbling of castles in the air is almost audible.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:03<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Reimbursements
will not be made for receipts dated in the ‘90s.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:04<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>“I forgot” is
not an excuse for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">not</i> depositing
cheques within the lifespan of the average guppy.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:08<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Zoran asks for
a show of hands.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Discussion arises about
which hand should be raised.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Right vs.
left is debated.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:09<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Armada… Kjarten
announces that this event will probably bring $800 with $200 of expenses.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Since none of this will be going to provide
the populace with showgirls, minimal interest is shown and the motion to
provide expenses passes.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:10<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><s>Raven’s War</s>
Straight ‘N Arrow budget is discussed.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>There is no marshmallow expenditure for this year; people are going to
have to bring their own.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Conflict arises
over the “William Tell” competition, with some people arguing for the period
nature of the event; others arguing modern child welfare laws.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:13 $5 approved for a <s>Starbucks latte</s> Frappe for
the autocrat of <s>Raven’s War</s> Straight ‘N Arrow.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:14 Zoran demands Seneschal secret diaries that reveal the
dark life of the SCA ruling elite.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:17 Aleyn brings in Tim Horton’s coffee.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Predatory looks are directed towards the cup
holder.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Aleyn takes a seat near the door
in case he has to escape to protect his beverage.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:19<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Render unto my
Seneschals those reports that are my Seneschals’</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:20<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Marina suggests
that we all work together to produce a single Hartwood event.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Shocked silence. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:22<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The Hartwood
Birthday Bash VS Port Alberni Fall Fair VS Canada Day.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Who will win in a knock-down-drag-out
fight?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Opinion is divided.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:29<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>William
proposes an unholy alliance between Seagirt and Hartwood to produce an event of
unimaginable, awesome power.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:31<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Elizabeth wants
to take Coronet by storm.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Suggests that
we all camp together without stabbing each other.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Opinion is divided.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:33 <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Zoran asks for
any other business and date for next meeting. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>October 2<sup>nd</sup> is decided on as not
conflicting with events/Thanksgiving/ballet recitals</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:34<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Zoran asks if
anyone wants to be Chatelaine.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>No
answer.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:34<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Zoran says that
Marina is running for Seneschal.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:34<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Zoran asks if
anyone ELSE wants to be Seneschal.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Discriminatorily ignores Tierce’s bid for the position.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:35<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Marina tells
the tale of her history in the SCA.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Aleyn is blamed.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:39<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Discussion on
the usefulness of slave labour in SCA positions.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:41<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>A possible <s>victim</s>
volunteer has emerged for the Chatelaine position.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The predatory gazes on Aleyn’s coffee switch
direction.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:42<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She turns out
to be a former Lionsgate and Kingdom Chatelaine. She also has a Shetland
Sheepdog. She does agility!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Her
ascension to the position is assured.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:44 <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Marina is
Seneschal.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Yay!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:45<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>A speech is
given to Edward of York, honouring his intestinal fortitude.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:50<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Adjournment.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">11:59<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Dori’s
application for Shire Herald is remembered.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>People vote her in without bothering to read her application.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Halima insists on reading it.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>People vote Dori into the position of Herald
all legal-like. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal"><font class="Apple-style-span" size="6">*</font><font class="Apple-style-span" size="1">This document does not represent the real Hartwood minutes. Seriously, if anyone complains that this could be mistaken for the real Hartwood minutes, for the sake of the Society, take them to a psychiatrist. This document in no way delineates SCA policy because if it did, I would have added something about Tierce ruling everything and the Shire of Hartwood funds being used to purchase a giant chocolate fountain/ice cream maker combination for events.</font></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br></p>